I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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