Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
