She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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