Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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