Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
