You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
