omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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