She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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