I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
