Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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