Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
