well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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