party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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