I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
