I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
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