You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
