worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
handjob tips. give me some.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
