Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Don't EVER smell your tampon
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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