Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
sex in a hospital.. check
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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