I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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