She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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