If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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