I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
my liver is dry heaving
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
