Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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