her vagina looked like bernie madoff
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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