Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
