i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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