Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
