Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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