so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
