GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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