You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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