when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I just had sex on a roof
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
