OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
