I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
