I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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