Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
