he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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