Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
