I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
