The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
