Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
