am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
