i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
