im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Randomize
