i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
