Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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