so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
