At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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