When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
