apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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