Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
